It's the final countdown

Mutiny over. I handled my biz and went ahead and sent an asteroid into the planet "Flintstone" (inside joke). They just refused to obey me. I told a gentleman there to build an ark and he just threw a fit. Then they all turned against me and "boom" I had to wash my hands of it. Anyhow I have decided to start a little universal stock market. Each planet is a like a publicly held company and me and the boys are going to get the angels involved tonight. Details are a little sketchy at this point and we need some sort of currency up here. To be honest heaven has fallen into a little disrepair as of late. I need to tighten my screening process to keep out some of the plebeians that get in here. Jerry Falwell and I threw around an idea about setting a minimum income one must make to get into heaven. But we got a bunch of whiners up here and they are throwing a wrench in the plan. Damn everlasting life!!! Well I am off to the White House. George is calling for me and I need to give him an earful about this immigration plan.
Sincerely
-God

Remember me you ingrates

Hey guys and gals, God here. Nobody listens to me anymore so I thought "Hell, me thinks I shall start a blog". A few things I would like to start off with. Number 1: I love the Iraq War. Me and Jerry Falwell were just discussing this over some grape juice (same benefits as wine). I mean why do you people hate me so much. I pick you a President and you just cut him down. Do you people need another tsunami or what? Also I am a fan of torture. Ever heard of predestination? Some people are predestined to be tortured just like some are predestined to be president and some are predestined to have to choose between being gay or straight. Anyways I got a mutiny on another galaxy I got to attend to.

Sincerely,
God "The Decider"

P.S. I am trying to put together a sweet power point presentation for the rapture.